Love Hurts


I’ve discovered something in two short years of marriage.  Lance is not my Prince.  And I am certainly not his Princess.  He is not always charming, well-spoken, and witty (well okay, he is witty most of the time).  I am not always dressed perfectly, reverent of his awesomeness, and mindful of my place.

I don’t claim to have even seen a portion of the Big Picture of marriage.  But I do believe I’m starting to catch glimpses and I am/have been trying to process it all.

I’ve learned that marriage is hard.  It is sometimes downright awful!   It’s hard to look ahead to unnumbered years knowing you will be with that person and their imperfections for the rest of your life.  I will always meet a very grumpy (sometimes mean) person when our alarm goes off in the morning.  Lance will always have to deal with my emotional way-overreactions.  I will always have to listen to Lance’s distracted whistling when he’s planning his next move in the board game we’re playing.  He will always have to endure my enormously loud sneezes.

But, despite the fact that Lance is imperfect human, he is the person that I made a vow to before God.  It doesn’t matter what my in-laws think of me, what my family thinks of me, what friends think of me….I made a vow.  “What God has joined together, let no man (husband or wife) tear asunder.”

I like to be completely in control.  Who doesn’t? I think my ideas and methods and opinions are the only right ones.  I believe that I can experience love best if Lance does certain things or tells me certain words.  And I have been sure to let him know! Fortunately for him ( note sarcasm here) I’ve invited him to tell me the things he needs from me.  This is a good idea to some degree, but not with the intent that the end result favor yourself.

All this to say, I have learned that I don’t know what I need! Neither does Lance! But God does.  God knew every day of my life before my name was even spoken.  He knows the interworkings of my heart.  He knew who I would marry.  He knew all the mistakes and hurtful things we would say to each other.  He knows what makes me feel loved.  He knows what makes Lance feel respected.

I’ve learned that it’s not my place to withhold forgiveness.  What if God withheld forgiveness from me? What if He said that I had hurt Him too much, that I was too selfish, or that He just couldn’t deal with me anymore?

I’ve learned that it’s not my place to try and change Lance.  That’s God’s department.  I don’t have to change anyone except myself.  That’s honestly a relieving feeling.  I’m striving (and struggling!) to be the wife and woman that God wants me to be, and that’s a full-time job by itself.  Good thing I have Help!

What’s my point?

I’m learning.

I’m willing to learn.

I don’t expect a perfect marriage.

It’s okay to be (tactfully) honest about marriage.

It is still a fairytale, just not in the ways I expected…

One response

  1. Thanks for writing this Katie! It was a really good reminder and at just the right time! Hope ya’ll are doing good, we’ve missed seeing you guys at church. Jess

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